Gameweek 6

Seems United are not unstoppable and every cloud has a Silva lining, just ask Mancini.

Roberto also shared this week how nice a lad Balotelli is, always helps if he is on the pitch as he scored the first. Perennial bench warmer Milner scored the second for Citeh after being passed in by the swashbuckling EL Dogtanian Silva.

Jonathan 'Real Madrid' Woodgate continued the trend and poleaxed Cheap Dorito and United were not even awarded a penalty! Little pea was injured in the process and meant the jockey got a run out, as Rooney was missing for Salford.

Hala shit refereeing

De Gea proved his celery wrists are hardening into carrots with some fine shot stopping. Step forward Louis 'Show pony' Nani with another great goal, he really is stepping up so far this season.

Stroke me Sir Alex, I'm shiny

Crouchy 'Timmy' got the equaliser for Stoke and he really looked like he had been there for years, Stoke put in a great performance and it was a really open game. That's now 6 premiership clubs that Crouchy has scored at, he must be doing something right.

Separated at birth, TIMMYYYYY

To Chelski and what a palava Frankie is left on the bench, no mystery he is just plain shit.
El Nino flys around the game like a hurricane and scores again with a nice Cockney paella combining with Mata then promptly sees red for an awful two footed challenge.

I slip, like I do at Old Trafford

The hero of the day was Ramires who pushed forward against United and continued that but added two well taken goals in the process.Didier 'Near Death' Drogba got on at the end and added a forth but yet again Chelsea leaked a goal to make it 4 - 1.

Rafa VDV was back in the fantasy points again for Spurs, even monkey boy Bale pitched in getting one of his chimp head. Wigan played like the 9 - 1 thrashing they received last year but showed up second half and made it 2 - 1.

Step forward Robin to Arsenes rescue, the lad is true class and a real showmen. He scored twice with some sublime finishes and scored his century of Arsenal goals ....

I'm the great pretender

Theo pulled up lame and the poor mans Fabregas Arteta strolled around and is looking the business. The ginger skunk added the third.

Demba Ba was the obvious candidate for a hat-trick and duly pulled a rabbit out of the hat. Blackburn were shambolic other than the Mountie Hoilett. Drink driver Keano has a lot to think about and drinks a pint of bitter in the post match interview.

QPR flooded the midfield at Loftus and Tarrabt, SWP and Rat bossed the game for long periods, Villa playing three in there away from home. Bannan converted a gift from Traore from the penalty spot and Villa continued there out and out defensive pattern. Traore was promptly branded an idiot by Warnock as he slid in and got himself sent off. Then Helguson managed to cross it to Honey Monster who did what he does best and scored yet another own goal.

I'm prolific so I am

Dirty Suarez and Pool bounced back and Gerrardo started on the bench. Adam got a lucky opener passing the ball of RJ who moaned that Carrol had fouled him.

Wonder what he would do if he meant to score?

 Suarez added the second with a great run and excellent finish under Brandy.

Kiss my bad self

Not happy being subbed off for Steveio Gerrardio, Suarez shows some petulance and kicks H2O everywhere tsk tsk dirty Uruguayan. Super sub for Wolves Fletcher manages to nick one back and Brandy then performed heroics in the Wolves goal keeping the score to 2 - 1.

Other Scores

To the table and a spanking weekend for Cesar the geezer and El Scorpiano predict points where others dared not to go. It was all change in the top 5 with Sly Fox going to the top of the leader board, I think he might be taking it seriously this year. Snapping at his heals is Ryan and was Donovan who had a poor weekend. The VVolf and Salford Excited make up the rest of the top 5.

Gameweek 5

What a strange weekend of Premiership football. All three of the promoted clubs won and Sunderland thumped Stoke 4 - 0 who had been looking so solid and the Black cats has been looking like pussies in front of goal

Steve Bruce after the game. PPPRRRR

On a more familiar note the red freight train continues it's momentum, great cross from Villa reject Young for Smailings header. Nani went through Mata like he did not exist and unleashed a spanker of a finish.

Your a show off wanka Louis

Rooney fed of some scraps and United went in 3 - 0 up a half time. The only thing is Chelsea could have been on level terms, it was such a open game. Anelka set up Nando for a 50 mil kind of finish we have not been used to from him lately. Rooney missed a penalty, he replaced the divit like his Barnett and let everyone know it was the pitches fault.

It waah de pitch doh like

 Two finishes we have been used to from Nando subsequently followed when he blazed over the bar and then did a Ronnie Rosenthal in front of an unguarded net!

Oh Mierda indeed Mr Nando

Cashely Mole crocks Javier cheap dorito much to Govern Beetroots dismay and Terry and Cashley behave like nothin appened .... Riot scum!

The citeh's fans new celebration has me baffled I must admit, the first time in 20 years they play decent football and they turn their back to the pitch.

IRONY!!

The Smiths really were the only intelligent thing to come out of Manchester! Two great goals from Aguero again, I knew he was good but shit he has had a great start. Citeh's threw the lead away with Zamora applying a beaut of finish and scouse getting a deflected shot. Cue the violins, Mancini does not have any players.Yes he said he has no playa only Yaya and Barry, no Milner or De Jong only two internationals ohh shame you big Italian baby get on with it!

Mancini speaking to the Sheikh shortly after, I have no money

Gabbi scored again for Villa but they only managed a lucky draw as Newcastle played well in midfield with Cabaye and Tiote bossing things.

As mentioned earlier;

QPR won 3 - 0 as did Swansea, Norwich even got in on the act with a 2 - 1 over Bolton away from home. Warnock again doing his best to convince us that QPR are the barca of cockney land. Swansea finally scored in Wales like any tourist at the weekend, Sinclair looks decent and would suit a move to a big club so he can be a cockier twat than he is already.


Blackburn fans were baying for big sweaty babies blood

The gunners who have had empathy for all comers duly obliged helping old stevo out by throwing away a lead twice. Two own goals again highlighted Arsenals huge defensive frailties, it ended up 4 - 3 although Arsenal nearly leveled it at the death. Goals from melon, matador and chicken was not enough as Yakubu's butterfly bat impression was seen twice, been a while but he is scoring in the prem again.

Gangsta

They are now 17th with 4 points, Arsene is looking for a job as a wine snob

Sacre bleu, I love a drop of claret

Liverpool get spanked at Spurs, could not have happened to a better club. Adebayor is loving life with a brace and Modric looks really happy until Chelsea put in an improved offer in January with a rooster of a finish.

I just add on 5 million Mr Harry sir

Compounding the problem Liverfool have Adam and Skrytel sent off for two yellows! Even Defoe is baxk scoring dancing around Jose Enrique.

Everton win 3 - 1 and two of the new lads were on the score sheet, they sound like characters from Star Wars. Di Santo continued his hitting the ball off other players ability for this second deflected goal in as many weeks for Wigan.

The scores

To the table

                                             







Unpredictable week meant low scores but Cross Bar FC and El Scorpiano did well getting over 60 points.

Special mention has to go to Andre with 12, sorry mate but that is probably the worst score I have ever seen. Stop picking Liverpool players!!  It is pretty much as we were at the top and the trident of Rooney, Dzeko and Aguero is looking very tempting!

Until next week.

Gameweek 4

Rooney and the little pea are at it again hitting five against Bolton away from home.

The hair transplant really has helped Wazza's goal scoring prowess for the better. Just imagine how good this guy would have been if he had the same treatment



Fancy hair laser pluggin ruddy surgery



Dzeko scores four in his last outing which still means he sits on the bench? Tevez misses a penalty on purpose to prove Mancini is a prat and Kun and Silva play out of their skin, Aguero scoring a brilliant hat trick.



Chelsea beat Sunderland 2 - 1 with Terry and Sturridge scoring with some good finishes cheeky cheeky Deano. Asamoah Gyan mysteriously has gone out on loan to UAE and Bruce is left with Bendtner and a dog eater who actually finished the dogs dinner of a touch from Bendtner to prove how leaky Chelskis defense really is.

Bruno gets a cracker for Blackburn

and earns them their first point of the season, Zamora levelled things up with his usual accurate standard of finishing.

Vorm self imploded at the Emirates and gives the impish Arshavin an early Christmas present. Arsh stood around with his tongue sticking out, shame he has not had many goals to celebrate recently.



The new additions did well for the Gooners but Swansea very nearly got something out of the game at the death through Danny Graham. Arsene will be chuffed, until he see's the league table that is.
Everton and Villa played out a tough draw at Goodison with Stan 'I don't score tap in's' Petrov scoring a belter.



Kenwright was in trouble yet again with the fans for selling their best player, Moyes is a friggin miracle worker.

Stoke upset Liverpool again and Kenny gets all cross, cry us a river Kenny you miserable scots wanker.



Suarez misses an open goal late on and also goes ballistic about a hand ball in the box hmmmm. Kenny reckons they should have had three penalties, saying he respects the new campaign but not when it effects der fooutball klcoob (Scottish for football club).

Spurs get their first win of the season and what a difference a bit of steel in the middle makes Scotty Parker setting up Adebayor who always scores on his debut.



Rat, Tarrabt and SWR light fireworks at Loftus but it is not enough to breach the suprisingly resolute Newcastle defence. Warnock is waxing lyrical, he still looks like a geography teacher to me.

Other scores

 To the table and some brilliant scores from Henry, Simps, Ryan, Damian and Donovan. The later taking his place at the top of the leader board. Consistent scoring from Roly Poly and Nick Nock mean they make up the top three with Sly sniffing the bins outside their house in fourth with Ryan joining him on 276 points. Big games to call at the weekend, and no I don't mean the RWC.