Gameweek 9

Keep racism out of football, someone should tell the players!! Suarez, Terry they are all at it...

Humiliating, Watershed, Seismic some of the words used to describe the Manchester Derby. Fergie described it as the worst ever day, but that was complete when he lost to his wife at Scrabble when he got home.

Citeh scored against the run of play with an exquisite side footed slot from young Mario. He again proved he is a fruit cake and a sandwich short of a picnic by asking Why always me?

Simple, your as mad as a bag of snakes

Second half and you are thinking United will get back in the game, but it was not to be Johnny Evans got sent off. Mario Egotelli added a second which was followed by El Kun getting in on the goals. Fletcher got United's only goal with a cracker, are they going to get back into this game. Well in a word no, they seemed to give up! I do not think Olive Oil and Govern Beetroot are on talking terms still after he seemed to invite Citeh into the penalty area. Vidic was notably annoyed in the stand.

Taxi for Rio

Dzeko made it on for the last 20 and scored twice, should have got 4. Silva was immense and deserved a goal.

Chelsea are the worst losers in the Premiership, they get so ratty when on the wrong side of a result especially Terry and Cole. Loftus was the venue for the card and attitude fest, QPR showed why they are certain relegation material for me. Sideshow Bob's overly aggressive defending gifted QPR a penalty

Luiz admires Helgusson's close control

Then the sending off of Bosingwa and Drogba changed the game surprisingly in Chelseas favour. Drog diving into Tarrabt like jumping into a swimming pool. Anelka was wasteful and Lamps managed to flick sideshows bicycle kick over the charmed QPR  goal.

Need a license for that dive Didier

Melon to the rescue, for Arsenal with a goal and two assists. The gooners had rested RVP but needed him to come on and kill of the game. Begovic will certainly be on RVP's Christmas card list with some suspect handling for both goals.

A VDV finishing masterclass yielded a victory and some great fantasy points @ Ewood Park. It left Kean looking like one of the chickens the Venkys and Blackburn owners roast in their poultry business.

This pitch is slippy for sure if I do the slip on the knee like we do in Holland

Rat proved he is statistically the most wasteful Striker in the premier league by peppering the goal and not registering. Abundant chances but it was left to Saint Bellamy to show ratty how its done. The Canaries got a goal through Holt and Pilkington forfilling his Fantasy hype with the assist, two points lost be Rat Bags...

When Villa are playing a derby at Villa Park and the commentators pull out a stat like 1979 since WBA had won it was only ever going to go one way. It was not helped by Herd being sent off for being fouled by Olsson the penis, what did the ref see? It has been rescinded but fat lot of good that is now

What a fish faced moron

Bent scored a peno after Gabbi was felled by Ben Affleck, Olsson then compounded Villa misery by scoring. Journey man Scharner added the second as the Baggies boing boing'd just under Villa in the table. Tchoyi was a real handful and may start upfront for WBA after Shane Long was chopped down by Hutton.

Drenthe, Danny Graham and Sessignon were other notable performers

Other Scores

To the table and myself, Smiley and Jenner were involved in a points nutty cluster in positions 10,11 and 12. The top 6 remained unchanged (how is Roly still at the bloody top) and another big derby this weekend Chelski - Gooners. Probably wont be 6 - 1 I am thinking, you never know.

Gameweek 8

Home it appears is king with the exception of Wigan, not many clean sheets to be had and the Manchester clubs kept everyone guessing with their squad rotations

Rooney, Silva and Nasri involved in squad rotation

Biggest club game in the world, Liverpool and Manchester United? The grudge match was held at Anfield, Gerrardo returned to the starting line-up. Liverpool did all the heavy lifting as Sir Beetroot packed out the midfield. Meaning not a too fantasy friendly return of points from the game. Capitano Scouse was helped out by the same sniper who shoots Suarez when Adam went down for a free-kick.

Then flaky pastry Giggsy sausage roll flaked of the wall when Gerrardo struck the free-kick.

Sausage roll was obviously thinking of his sausage which he has been getting some good use out of recently.

Giggs copies Suarez, gay boys

De Gea pulled out some great stops, he seems brilliant when he does not have time to think. United have allowed 112 shots at their goal this season already !! On came the A-Team and little pea scored a brilliant instinctive goal creating space to draw level from Welbeck's flick on. Henderson had a good game when he came on and went close twice.

Super Mario started at Eastlands with an overhead to open the scoring

Run over by a car Mario?

Villa started well in the opening 10 - 15 minutes. Not surprising as Villas record away at Citeh is shocking with 10 of the last 11 visits ending in a defeat. Adam Johnson continued his great run after scouse fluffed his lines, although he made amends by scoring Villas only goal. Kompany and Villa reject Milner added the others, bench warming bastards was a sublime finish.

Quality goal

Step forward RVP, pure class and the only big money/name player to deliver this gameweek. 28 seconds it took for Freddie to finish banging it in the bottom corner. He then nearly pulled of one of the goals of the season so far with a delicious chip from outside the box, saved by the post.

Then started the freekick competition, Larsson was the first to enter with a fantastic hit.

Not to be upstaged RVP stepped up with a great curling effort. Which was your favourite?

Chelski beat Everton comfortably 3 - 1, Mata was the puppet master pulling the strings and orchestrating all the play through the middle.

Spain and Chelsea's Juan Mata

He was instrumental in Sturridges and Ramires goals.They of course conceded, don't be stupid the Fiat 'Velios' snuck one in.

Newcastle - Tottenham was a great game, two form teams butting heads and playing attacking football

Arry's on the left, ginger

Van der Vaart converted a penalty for Spurs and Ba confirmed he is still on fire and looks good value. Defoe came on back to goal, swivel bang 2 - 1. Shola Ameba iobi scored a great goal with a great finish for the big man.

Shola celebrating after his goal

Other notable performances from the weekend from Sugar injection Etherington, Chris Eagles and Pilkington

Other Scores

To the table and the L33T Wolv3s, El Scorpiona, JZ and Ant managing to scrape decent points from an otherwise barren Gameweek.



All the above raised up the table along with Master BT, well done you buggers!!

So the big Mancunian show down this weekend, I am going to leave this one well alone.

Gameweek 7

Norf London has experienced a power shift as the Gameweek of local derbys proved very interesting.

Arsenals youth team arriving at Whitehart Lane

Refereeing decisions were also a theme, poor ones obviously from the twat in the cap and card happy Atkinson .

To the Norf London derby and the return of Adebayor, he was grinning like a striker playing against As Per Usual 'Inconsistent' Mertesacker and Song. The Arsenal fans sang about the Togolese bus being shot up to welcome him back which was pretty rough even by their standards. VDV is looking bang on form again as is chimp boy, VDV proved form is temporary and class is disguising a blatant hand ball for his first.

Football not handball, you liberal dope smoker

The Gooners leveled the game with the other good Welsh guy in the Premiership Aaron Ramsey. Arsenal had their periods of domination like Tottenham but always looked like being broken down. Great strike to win the game from Walker Villa reject but  limpy Wristy Scnezy Wescnezy should have done better.

Smells a bit tasty

To the Merseyside Derby literaly seperated by some rather grey looking water.

It was Liverpools turn to hold Evertons head under the famous river. Card happy referee Martin Atkinson spoilt the game by punishing a perfectly legal tackle sending Rodwell off.

Watching

Still watching

Red card, well done Ref your a twat

El Rat Dirty Suarez (new rat this gameweek, try and keep up) acted like he had been administered a lethal injection whilst in the air. More play acting from Senor Rat meant the awarded penalty came with a side order of justice served up by a camouflaged tourettes. Only ½ the penalties have been scored so far this Prem season! Carrol broke the deadlock put on a plate by Enrique. El Rata Patata adds the second when the circus arrives and two clowns called Baines and Distin entertained the children at Goodison. Surprisingly the Everton fans had some spare coins to throw at El Rat.

Buy some cheese you camp rat

Salford did what they do best and helped Norwich snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The canaries must have smelt gas in the United mine and died, they had SO MANY CHANCES!!

Wallace & Gromit showed them how it was done heading in from close range.Welbeck added the second and had O'Neill clone Lambert cursing his luck, really how did Norwich manage not to score??

Johnson scores a sublime opener for Citeh, just like his cracker to win at the Stadium of Light last season.
Kun pulled his plonker and was replaced by MOTM Nasri, he scored and set-up two.

All hail, me

Super Mario continued his good run showing some good forward play and bagged himself a goal with great movement.

Should have played Nintendo Carlitos

Gabbi, Gabbi, Gabbi, Gabbi Agbonlahor he's fast as f$$k, he's going to score. Yes the only football song currently true and not an exaggeration. Quality goal and great run and cross to set-up Benty for his first in-front of the Holte End.

Wolves lost to Newcastle, BA scoring from a badly defended clipped corner. Guitterez added a second with a Messi like jinking run and finish (he is Argentinian after all). Ref then missed a blatant penalty for Wolves and the twat in the cap called the ball out before Doyle bundled it in.

The Taffs beat Stoke at home after a shocking tackle from Shawcross gifted Sinclair with a penalty. Danny Graham finally got his first goal of the season after finishing his last top goalscorer in the Championship.Ironically Swansea's best defender this season has been their goal, which has been hit 9 times already this season.

Arsene's new January transfer target

Fulham spanked Qpwankas hitting 6 in the other London derby. Andy Johnson revisiting his old Palace form with the first ever Fulham hat-trick prompting Jazz Hands celebration

1  2  3  .... JAZZ HANDS 

Surgeon, Scouse and Yank added the others.

As you know I am not the biggest Frank Lumphard fan as demonstrated he is past it and shit by showing he is still one of the best goal scoring midfielders around with another hat-trick.

Yeah well done Franky you can count, Lamps after scoring his second.

Chelski embarrassed Bolton with old boy Sturridge scoring 2, Luiz looked a force again on his return. However Chelskis leak continued as Boyatta added a consolation just after ½ time. Trojan horse Big Kev was denied a second Bolton goal by another poor ref decision as the ball had crossed the line.

That element of surprise in Bolton's front play

Scores

To the table

Alister spots AJ was in good form bagging some great points, JZ did well out of Villas solid defense and Smiley and Wildcard Marshall had good returns. Only change in the top being Ryan leap froggin Sly. Still all to play for chaps



International break means a sad and vacant weekend ahead.