Gameweek 18

Ho ho ho ho ho merry shit captain strategy fantasy managers....

Ho ho ho merry fantasy Christmas

Turkey eaten and merry merry but what a peculiar Gameweek.

Five games end 1-1. Two nil all draws meaning points are scarce for attackers but plenty of clean sheets available.

Citeh are held by the Baggies, Hodgson really has got them well drilled and they are causing teams huge problems with Odemwingie and Longs pace.

Get amongst them longy, ohhhh

Fergie thinks all his Christmas's have come at once as United hit five AGAIN! They now draw level on points with the noisy neighbours and have halved their goal difference. Valencia again, Park and a hat trick for leading goal scorer last season and forgotten man Count Berbaflop.

Berbaflop negotiating his new United deal

Is Fergie shrewdly getting him in the boxing day sales window??

Chelski looked toothless at the bridge apart from Juan getting the opener. Yank pulled one back for the Cottagers and the serial squatter subbed off Sturridge, he really is the special one, special needs.

Liverpool get their second depressing draw at Blackburn, giving relegation hopefulls two points in as many weeks I cannot help thinking they would be better off with out El Rat. He is useless at actually putting the ball in the net.

So Chelski, Arsenal and Citeh drop points leaving Arry's Spurs to get the piece of bread and mop up the Christmas left overs.

Lovely Jubleee

Bale showed he is world class with a great cameo by Adebayor showing great feet in the box to feed the monkey. Bales second was a burst of shear pace running through the heart of Norwich and then still having the presence of mind to chip over ruddy, ruddy marvellous!

Oh shit its happened again

Other scores

To the table and Master BT shows us that revenge is a dish best served cold and breaks the thousand point barrier and we are not even half way in. Well done there pooh, keep the champagne on ice ;).

Lots of forties and fifties around but a few sixties with Ant top scoring and Johnno, Donovan and Euan showing some interest.

Gameweek 17

El Rat gets an eight match ban and a pathetic £40,000 fine. The news breaks in Liverpool.

The pool players wear Suarez tshirts to show solidarity for the racist cheating bigot. They draw at Wigan, with Adam missing a penalty. They cannot buy a goal, I love Kennies miserable face.

Groundhog day as United hit five against a limp looking Fulham, goals from show pony, anonymous, Valencia (amazing form), berbaflop and a rooster from Wazza to put the coriander in the curry. How every Christmas do they start playing like magicians when they have been playing like paupers? It's a Christmas miracle

Please sir can I have some more goals??

 Bolton win the Lanchashire hotch potch and the Blackburn fans treat keen like Simon Cowell

I'm afraid its a no from me

Gunners beat an attacking Villa but were pressed all the way, Albrighton scoring the 20,000 premiership goal.

Bostinnnnn like

The irrepressible Van getting one of course and Walcott turned NERD again.

Citeh strolled past the potters with a couple for el bulli

Invisible hug for Carlos

West Brom one of the most improved sides in the prem get a great win away from home. All dem gals is back in the goals, Senegals Shearer scores a brace again (AFCON hurry up).

When I get that goal, I do that Wingie



Looking good there Shearer

The battle of London ends in a stalemate with goals from Adebayor and Sturridge.

The Moyes and MON charm offensive gets them victories, MON has even got Sessignon applying some varnish to his great approach play

This is how you do it Stéphane, wax on wax off

Wolves and Norwich game was a great advert for the premiership with scintillating end to end football from both.

Other scores

To the table and Christophe, JZ and Mighty Mighty Villa have over 70 weekends with some Nani cap strats gorgeous. I get leap frogged and the top three is as you were.

Gameweek 16

Noisy neighbours and the Gooners produced one of the most engaging games of the season going head to head. El Bulli was uncharacterised wasteful

Kun Aguero

Gervinho was his usually wasteful self, I bet he boils his kettle full of water and never finishes all of his dinner.

PROOF, this is Melons kettle

 Wojciech Szczęsny had a superb game between the sticks and has the best name in football.
Joe was also tested late on by the dutch destroyers and lame Theo.

Silva got the winner after song invited Ego in onto his right. Zabeleta a decent left back (Sorry Gael) hit the post, Citeh had lots of chances.

Diving header for Wazza Gabooni nice setup from Valencia as United got in-front in the first minute.

Who you looking at kidder

 You can imagine Warnock before the game

Keep it tight lads its fortress Loftus, we are quality

Carrick scored a rooster proving that periodically he can provide an end product. Valencia looked great for the second week running only Verny denied him a goal.

Two feathered birds failed to take flight drawing a blank.

Brendan Rodgers

Alan Pardew

Best striker Ba none could not even break the deadlock with Vorm equal to whatever the toon threw at them.

Flying Ba Ba

Will it be 3 nil or 4 nil was the question, well neither how about 1 - 1. Martinez not known for his tactics kept it tight and managed to smother the pensioners. Ivanovic handled in the box from Moses shot. Chelski found it hard to break down the 5 at the back. Dan the man did break the deadlock with his right foot great finish. Another terrible celebration though dancing in a straight jacket. Wigan then got expansive and got the equaliser shock horror, two points dropped!

Sylar from Heroes is that you?

Pav scored for Spurs as Arry lost both of his wingers Bale before the game and Lennon during. Rafa and Modric picked up the slack. Honeymoon over for Adebayor?

Blackburn and Bolton both have two things in common Scottish managers who are very optimistic with no reason to be. Losing to West Brom and Fulham respectively.

Scotland's answer to George Clooney

I'm so chuffed with the lads

Villa very predictably lose to Liverpool, they have taken more points of Villa than any other club in Premiership history. Pool had a purple 20 mins and scored twice through Bellamy and Skrytel. Downing got the response he deserved the judas twat.

Everybody's left Stewart you moron

N'Zogbia had his best villa game so far and actually shot at the goal, you read it here first! Suarez was good with out adding goals that pool deserved.

Other scores

To the table and 666, Batman and Euie Pooh scored well from an otherwise fruitless game week. Bad week for Nick Nock means El Scorpiano gets Excited. Master BT gets himself more cushion for the pushin and goes 40 points clear. The games are about to come thick and fast, I love Christmas!

Gameweek 15

Taken from the Official Premier League site

Chelski vs Citeh MNF and AVB treated us to his usual squatting master class (someone get the lad a chair).

I do a shit over there

Citeh  looked like they had the game wrapped up after 2 minutes. Great turn and ball from Kun and a great take run and slot past Cech from Egotelli. Chelsea however weathered the storm as the millionaires ran riot. Last of the Mohicans got a goal against the run of play and they went in all square. Second half had a lot of quality on show and step forward Lampard of the bench (yes he is being left out of the side and i think for good reason) converted the penalty. Sturridge was brilliant for Romans pensioners and assisted for both their goals.

After a Champions League demise who would you like to play at the Theatre of Dreams, Wolves or Bolton spring to mind. Micks generous defenders allowed Nani the freedom of Salford as he got two and follically challenged Wazza scored a typical Wazza goal and a pirouette with a swivel for his second very dainty and subtle.

I'm dead sensitive like, just ask Coleen

125 years of the Arsenal and RVP apparent maturity shone through. Not sure about the wise head on young shoulders claims but his positioning, body shape and overall ability to slot the R. Song ball was nothing short of a Van Basten special. 

MINTTTTTTT

Can he continue to perform and rescue Wengers team, makes captain strategy easy at the moment I know that much.

The pantomime villain is at it again, he's behind you.

Silly Racist and Swearer - Suarez

he was involved in everything that Liverpool did and duly nodded home Adams cross for the only goal of the game, they really should have got a hatful with Maxi, Panto himself and Bellamy wasteful.

Jan Zelezny goes for trials at the Potters

Pullis target

They seem back to their bullying best and Shotton has taken over from the Delapadator . Tottenham had the possession, the service was there at least from the right flank from Walker. Defoe and Ade looked incapable of hitting a

 


Bale was also kept very quiet and VDV is looking very lack luster, Kaboul got himself sent off and Arry looked ready for his Christmas turkey.

Villa win away from home and Quasi is my next favourite manager for the chop (sorry Owen, rock bottom).

MON works his debut magic yet again

with help from a stunning drive from Vaughan and a Seb special.

Stephen Taylors big toe is no longer plugging the hole in the Toon defensive boat. They have no fit center halves and the defensive bubble looks to have burst.

The Canaries capitalized on the sinking boat by scoring 4, the mercurial Ba again performed with two phenomenal finishes (I will have to put him in now)

Martinez Wigan pull of the great escape with two successive results.

Steve McQueenez

Swanseas Vorm pulls of a penalty save from Yank, along with Ba ba has to be one of the bargain buys of the season. Swansea prove again that home is where the heart is.

Other Scores

To the table and great scores from Marco, Garth, Damian (Whoooooooo) and Simps. As you were in the top three but with myself and Sly and Panties fighting it out for 4th spot. Christmas is almost upon us, things are going to get hectic.

Gameweek 14

As you all know I like the sound of my own voice and I like to think I am a wordsmith and a football poet. Well this word map proves otherwise. The most common words I use are Scored, Goal, Added, Like, Defending and Great. Hardly Oscar Wilde is it.

www.wordle.net, very cool

The Citeh Mercenaries hit 5 - 1 maintaining their average of three goals at home per game.

It is all blue skies for Robertos millionaires

Kun, Nasri, Exotic, Egotelli shrugs in a forth and Johnson. Ruddy made a ruddy howler for Nasri misjudging his delivery. Morison continued his good form with a goal for Delias boys.

Utd not convincing at lack lustre Villa but Jones did not look shabby getting a strikers goal

Give that Scouser a good kicking son

Villa were abysmal first half, it was a game for injuries with little pea turned into the below

Herd, Young, Given kissed the blarny stone and Jenas (out for 6 months) also suffered a rough looking injury with a Greek God. Villa did attempt to take part in the second half to no avail.


To Chelski and sideshow got away with one early on Ba, which incensed Pardew. Lamps had his penalty saved by seaweed, things would not get any better for Lumphard.

Sturridge however looked menacing in an Emile Heskey kind of way hitting the ball hard and straight at the GK on numerous occasions.

What you talking about Willis?

 Only difference being Bruno would never get himself in the positions, Sturridge is skillful and quick. Ba looked the good side of menacing again, causing Chelski huge problems.

Mata nutcrackered around the pitch with the grace of a swan helping Drog to turn back the clock.Chelsea flattered by the score line in the end

Monkey man was a it again at Whitehart lane with a nice touch having g speed sewn into his boots.

He was a good boooyyoh

Maybe that's always been his secret!

Dodgy straight red for Cahill, last thing Quasimodo and Bolton needed. Adebayor was wasteful and at least Defoe picked up goal scoring duties along with chav Lennon.

Tram lines init like, NAH what

Bird gangsta hit 4 for Sweaty babies team as they seemingly coasted past the Swans. Rooster, header, tap in and a peno, Star performer of the week aided by good service, yes I did say good.

Bird Man keeping it thug for life

 Blackburn made Swan kebabs but the swan did not go down easily strangled.

MON is turnips replacement and he witnessed the good and bad vs Wolves. Seems a united reject back four is not enough to deliver defensive solidity.

Nothing to worry about Martin, just sign Heskey

The prodigious Van Persie returned this game week helping the Gunnners to a 4 - 0 win over relegation hopefuls Wigan. Arteta, Vermalean and Gervinho assisted by robin added the others. Walcott with the assist racking up.

Theo is a provider girl

Liverpool lost away at Craven Cottage hindered by the Devine pony tail. Suarez was not as effective roaming the width of the Fulham box. Spearing was sent off for an old fashioned (but fair) tackle.

Schmiegel wantsis the RED to be appealediss Kenny

 Glenn don't ask me to defend Johnson invited the Fulham players inside on to their strong foot both Dempsey and Murphy for the goal. Pepe dropped the chorizo and yank slotted the rebound. Liverfool for all their possession lacked that guilt edge chance. Still not looking top 4 to me.

Other scores

To the table and panties puff puffs score 83 and leap frogs me by a point. If his beloved Liverpool had been more ruthless we would both be happier. 666', Donovan and Johnno (welcome back my son) score over 70. Top three remains changed, going to take some bold captain strategies.